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Monday, May 16, 2022

101 Of My Favorite Tweets For Anyone Who Needs A Good, Hearty Laugh Today

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“If Bowser kidnapped my wife, I would not be saying ‘wahoo’ no matter how fun the jump was.”

Recently I’ve been rounding up some of my favorite-ever tweets, and welp…it looks like I had a lot more than I thought! Here are 101 more tweets that are a bright spot in this cruel world.

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Do you remember when your mom would take you shopping and you would come home and do a “fashion show” for your dad who was half asleep on the couch and would give you a nod and a “very nice” for every outfit or was that just my family.

Twitter: @brooke_l_march


Dunno why I feel shame at basic things, carrying my loaf through town cause I can’t fit it into my bag and I just feel like people are pointing going “AH HA HERE COMES LOAF BOY, YOU FUCKING STUPID BREADY GHOUL” while I just cry and scuttle away like the yeasty fool I am

Twitter: @alexgrannelluno


credit card chip machines are like:

– DO NOT remove your card
– DO NOT – hey look at me – DO NOT remove your card
– take out your card immediately or I’m burning this place to the ground

Twitter: @tacko_belle


I have said it before and I will say it again, modern bathtubs are too damn small. I want to feel like the kraken moving ponderously through ocean depths, not like a potato wedged in a tailpipe.

Twitter: @faera_lane


Do you think in the Middle Ages people were like “Okay does literally everyone have the plague right now? Lol I feel like every person I’ve ever met has the plague right now”

Twitter: @annadrezen


why my eye doctor giggling down bc i can’t see. we did the eye chart and i was saying the numbers i saw. she was like there are no numbers in this baby only letters… humbled me bad like…

Twitter: @itszaeok


whenever I’m sad I think about how my boyfriend thought “antipasta” was “every Italian food that’s not pasta”, implying a great intra-italian struggle between pasta and not pasta

Twitter: @sarapaige__


snow white broke into a house in the woods and did chores. wow, boring. goldilocks, the true hero, broke in to a house, made some judgements, and then took a nap. i have no notes

Twitter: @itsnashflynn


why does no one tell you that when you pick out a pair of athletic shorts from tj maxx at fourteen yrs old, you are in fact making a decision that will last longer than any of your adult relationships

Twitter: @dietz_meredith

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